Amid the shifting shadows of the darkened window, locked in the perplexity of mankind, tears scalded my eyes. So what if I quit? I asked myself quietly, deep in my thoughts. I was tired of stumbling and why couldn’t God get to me? Just like the sea keeps kissing the shore line no matter how it pushes her away, I kept hoping for a chance to show the world the power of God’s breathe on me no matter how it kept turning me down. Well maybe I underestimated myself too. I walked to my bed and lay down. Just then, a message beeped my phone… it was Bognet. Bognet was a baker. Large-nosed man, muscular, dark and tall with brown eyes too. “Hey, just came across this today, perhaps you would love to give it a shot”. My eyes went gazing down and there was a picture below. I couldn’t read it as the writing was too tiny for my phone to display; only thing boldly seen was “CALL FOR WRITERS”. Immediately, I got an understanding of what it was but not this time again. I wasn’t in for that, entirely. Not after being disappointed a lot of times by such competitions. I dropped the phone without a reply. Back to my thoughts,” what if this one was actually different”? I thought. But I was tired of asking the same question over and over again with same results of failure. I decided to give no such thing a shot after thinking. At least, I had no time to waste as it always ended up with same results. The lights went off suddenly as though it knew I had to sleep.

The sun was so bright and shiny; it smiled at me as I got up from bed. I picked up my phone ignoring the beautiful view of nature. I had a missed call from Bognet, “he was trying to know if I got the message or not, obviously”! I said to myself. Just as if he was expecting my call at the moment, Bognet picked the call immediately I dialed his line. “Guess you saw my message, you’re in right? You should be honestly, you don’t know what an opportunity it is” I kept rolling my eyes side to side as Bognet kept talking. “I’m not in”!!! And no one, not even you is making me… “You always wanted a chance to show the world what you have, you have one and you’d just let it slide this way”?? He interrupted before I could finish talking. Funny, he ended up scolding me and I got lost hopes back. I thanked him and decided to go for it. Yes!! Show the world everything, my dreams, the life I always wanted.

In the evening as God made it, full of energy and positivity, I got my computer, my fingers got busy till late night. I wrote about whatever revolved around my life and my thoughts. I completed my piece and submitted to the website where it was to be submitted. Just after a week, I was declared the best writer of the year. Oh yes!!! You don’t believe it, do you? Bognet was so proud of me, “we did it”! And true, there’s more to Bognet than you know, but I’d keep it my little secret.

“Without an intimate loved one, we can quickly spiral down into self-pity. It is difficult to talk ourselves out of a down mood alone. We see life only from our own perspectives. When we pity ourselves, we have someone to point out the blessings that really are present in our lives, mine was Bognet. All great change is preceded by chaos, an indication that you are changing and revolving. Recognize the beauty in your own lives as gratitude. I found the beauty in the chaos of my life. The beginning of finding the beauty in chaos starts with a search that starts on the inside of us. Finding beauty in my own chaos starts with realizing there is a problem… and also starting with realizing that God has made me for a unique purpose. But if we are afraid of our own mess, we wouldn’t attempt to clean up anyone else’s mess, at least not with pure motives”, I replied the interviewer who asked me challenges I faced becoming the best writer of the year.

The air exploded with applauds and everywhere was crowded with photographers, interviewers and journalists. I was on TV, it was all over. Bognet, Family and I were so excited. Just so you know, I found the beauty in my chaos.

BY MISHELLE NERAT DIH.